What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
