i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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