My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
