My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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