I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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