Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
