i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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