You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
