Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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