I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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