I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Boobs are out for the taking
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
