Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
