Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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