I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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