Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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