I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize