Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
