She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
