Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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