All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
