Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
