too bad you live with your parents still
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
