As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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