Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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