pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
