I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
