my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
