My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dicks are not precious.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
