Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize