one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
