today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
