I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
