I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
