i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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