i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you traded sex for a burrito?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize