Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize