the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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