So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
