I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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