I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
