I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
