dude i'm inner monologue high
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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