I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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