wrigley field is MILF paradise
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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