I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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