I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
