you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
