This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
