Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
