Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
