Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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