dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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