I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
