So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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