I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
