did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
