worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We need to get me chipped asap
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
