Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think i peed on brittanys purse
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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