Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
