I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
