I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was born a porn star she said
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
