Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
