Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
