didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
