Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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