What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
