If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
