I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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