I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
