i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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